An Anniversary, A Museum, and the End of 2011

Please don't think that the flurry of blog entries this past week mean anything more than a greater amount of free time than usual. No resolutions on my agenda this year. Last year I worked myself up for a few, but I guess my heart really wasn't in them. I still can't play Hungarian Rhapsody, but I have played the piano more this year than I have in... many years put together. I may have to admit that an actual backbend just isn't in my future, but my back is in better shape than it has been for a while. Still not where I would like to be, but headed in the right direction. My third resolution had something to do with mileage walked and biked. I'm pretty sure I made that happen, but I stopped keeping track a few months into the year.

Hubby and I spent a couple of days celebrating our anniversary in Wichita, the city where we spent our very first night as a married couple twenty-one years ago. We enjoyed unseasonably warm weather this round. Twenty-one years ago, the high was 8 degrees and the low was 3 below. It was a cold day for warm hearts, or something like that. 

We went to the Museum of World Treasures, which is one of my favorite museums in Kansas. We had lunch at Red Lobster, also in memory of our honeymoon night. 

We picked a much nicer hotel this round, however. The Downtown Inn, as it was called then, is now a completely remodeled Holiday Inn, but the memories of the place are still enough to give me nightmares. Our plan the day of our wedding had been to drive all the way back to Lawrence, where we were living at the time, but a relative gave us the gift of cash and we decided, at the last minute, to treat ourselves to an overnight stay in Wichita. There was some sort of convention going on, however, and we could not get a room anywhere. We ended up at the Downtown Inn where, I kid you not, they wanted to know if we were interested in the hourly rate. It was truly the worst place I have ever stayed. Ah, the memories... 

Twenty-one years later, we are older and wiser.

Rand at the Museum of World Treasures.

The Buddha Room is my favorite. 

Right now, quite honestly, I'm just trying to keep myself awake to ring in the new year with my kids. I don't want to be that old person who can't stay up till midnight. So far we've tried out a new board game with the grandparents and we taught the kids to play Call-for-your-partner Pitch. My children have returned, so I shall see what they have planned to entertain me for the next couple of hours. 

Goodbye 2011; Hello 2012.

Might have been a little overly optimistic...

I can sort of play the right hand alone through the first two pages (mostly) of Hungary Rapsodie Mignonne. I decided I needed to hear it played, so went to YouTube for some inspiration.



Wow! This may be a project that takes longer than a year...

Yep, Resolutions Shared

Well it's a good thing daily blogging wasn't on my resolutions list. I would hate to be one of those people who drops the ball by day three!

Last year I developed a rather grinchy attitude and blew off the resolutions even though I tend to have pretty good luck with them. I've always found the new year a good excuse to align my focus. Of course, I find the change of season a good excuse, as well, so maybe I am just a person always looking for a way to improve my focus.

Anyway, I started thinking about goals this year and got pretty excited about it, but then came up with what was basically a set of affirmations. All positive and good, but not necessarily resulting in much more than a positive attitude. Then the family had a little meeting and the kids set up some goals for themselves that were truly inspirational. With this as a boost, I went back and created some specific goals for myself.

1) I'm going to learn to play Hungarian Rhapsody on the keyboard. (My daughter says Bohemian Rhapsody would be cooler, but I'm sticking with Hungary). 

A little backstory... I took piano lessons from the first through the sixth grades. I loved listening to my sister play the piano when I was a kid. (One of my favorite songs that she played was Hungarian Rhapsody). I loved tinkering on the piano when I was little. I'm not going to say I had a particular ear for music, but I learned a lot by just listening and playing. Then I started taking lessons and I grew to hate the piano. But my mother wouldn't let me quit. I was very slow to progress. In all those years, I managed only to get close to the end of the 2nd level piano book and I devised all sorts of schemes to fake practice. (One time my mother covered the entire set of piano keys in scotch tape. She asked me every night when she got home if I had practiced--cause I had faithfully written my "minutes" in my practice book--and I always declared that I had. At the end of the week she took me to the piano and asked me to explain how I had practiced all week without disturbing the scotch tape!)

In the sixth grade, I started begging my mother to let me quit. She finally said that I could be done with piano lessons if I learned to play The Entertainer. I took the music to my piano teacher and she told me I was not advanced enough to play the song. So I continued "not advancing" through her lessons and taught myself The Entertainer, line by line. To this day, I can play that song without looking at any sheet music. If people hear me play that song, they are usually surprised to learn that I can't play much of anything else.

Anyway, Hungarian Rhapsody was a song I always loved and about 15 years ago, I asked my sister to send me the sheet music, which she did. I've played with it on and off and can get through a few measures of it. This year, I'm going to take the line by line approach and learn to play it myself.

2) I'm going to walk and ride 520 miles this year. That's not much, really. 10 miles a week. If I get on the bike anything like I did last spring and summer, I should be able to make that in well under half a year. I guess I mostly want to keep track and see how many miles I go, but I made it a resolution just because.

3) I want to do a back bend again. This one is actually a little scary considering all the back issues I have had in the last many years. But I feel like I've turned a corner with my post-fall-down-the-stairs issues and now I really want to regain some of my upper body strength and flexibility. I'm taking this one slow... one day at a time. We'll see how it goes.

My 15 minutes to Better Living

A couple of months ago I was advising a friend on coping with lower back pain -- something I'm all too familiar with, starting with an injury to my lower back (probably related to the strain of childbirth) just a few days after my first child was born and then, especially, the ongoing issues I've had since I fell down the stairs right after we moved to this house. It occurred to me, as I was lecturing, that a whole lot of the advice I was giving was advice I should be taking.

As a result of my own lectures, I committed to 15 minutes per day of focusing on core strength and flexibility. I really believe lack of strength in the abs and lower back especially, is the primary reason we have back pain (or maybe any pain). I figure if I can't spent 15 minutes a day, I deserve to hurt. I made a list of 15 different routines of sorts -- mostly involving yoga, some basic ballet exercises, and some good old-fashioned crunches and hand weights. I figure the variety is important, not only for bodily balance, but to keep me motivated.

I don't like committing to an exercise plan when it comes to cardio work. I've had much better luck staying active just by focusing on having fun and doing things that I enjoy without measuring and tracking exercise and time, but I find I don't do these core strength exercises without some sort of commitment and plan.

I've done well. There have been a few days when I've managed to skip the 15 minutes, but for the most part I've been making it happen first thing in the morning. The biggest bonus -- a surprise even to me -- is how quickly my aches and pains have subsided.

It's been weeks since I've had any lower back tension and sciatica pain. This was commonly an issue as I crawled into bed each night. I'd have such pain shooting down my legs, or just a tingly numb sensation all the way to my big toes, that I would have trouble falling asleep.

The numbness and problems in my arms and shoulders has also gone away. I knew this was nerve related, and visits to the chiropractor have always provided some relief. I also know that my work at the computer adds to this problem, but this core strength and flexibility focus seems to have almost entirely eliminated these issues, as well.

I am finding I have less trouble sitting, as well. Seems like an odd thing to feel better about, but sitting still -- especially on hard surfaces (like a chair) has been incredibly difficult for me for a couple of years now. I've found it so much so that at times I have looked... perhaps less forward to things like outings with my friends where I knew we might be just sitting, drinking coffee, visiting... than I should. I found myself weighing the fun visit against the pain I knew would inevitably follow.

Most of all -- I'm finding those "fun" cardio activities are getting easier and... well, more fun. I'm looking forward to the results as this core strength approach pays off even more as I feel inclined to bike more, walk more, play at the park more.

My friend Nat (who has taught me so much about how to care for and listen to my body in the last 15 years) has always promoted a move it or lose it philosophy. I believed her when I was entering my 30s, and I'm even more convinced a decade later. I've had some first hand experience at what it feels like to lose it, and I don't want to be left in a place where I'm always wishing I had it back.

It's a small thing -- 15 minutes a day. And it's so worth it. I guess I write it here as a reminder to myself as much as anything. Like all things that are good for you, it's easy to forget.

A Writerly Update... or 2007 Resolutions in Review... or Whatever...

I believe the last time I made serious mention of my writing progress was July. If you were thinking I've forgotten about my resolutions this year, you'd be wrong.

My general goal this year is to do something about IT (as opposed to not worrying about IT like I did last year). In general, I’d like to weigh a little less by year’s end… and have written a little more. Beyond that, I’m not committing to a year-end goal.

Instead, I’m committing to making goals. I’m willing to take it week by week. I’m happy to let the wind blow in new and different directions. But progress, of some sort, will be made…

I eliminated talk of my "weight issues" from the blog by February because, quite frankly, I hate to be that person. I've tried to be more active, in general, this year and mostly I think I've done okay. Pants status is still about the same, at least. It's certainly not worse. And as long as I remember to stand up straight and suck the gut in when people take photos, I can't complain too much.

As for writing, the wind did, indeed, blow in new and different directions this year. Perhaps one might say I was finally able to leave that artistic, angst-filled, will-I-ever-be-a-real-writer? self behind... again.

Nah... who am I kidding.

That person will never stray too far. At least, as long as I'm breathing. Let's just say that for the moment I've got her tied up and gagged... and dang if life ain't peaceful without her. Don't worry. I still let her out to play sometimes on evenings and weekends. Heck, she may be making an appearance right now!

Ack! Go away!!

;-)

Excuse me.

Anyway, I'm playing the writing game for real and I've never been more pleased with the results. Fiction is fun. But content, press releases, non-fiction articles, and/or ghostwriting any or all of the above is money in the pocket. And quite frankly, that's where I want to be for the moment... putting money in my pocket.

2007 Resolutions Results = Progress was made.


P.S. If you live in the Kansas City area, pick up the most recent issue of Kansas City Parent. My by-line, I believe, is in there. You might not recognize me as it is a reprint. In other words, I barely remember having kids that young!

Writerly Stats

2007 Summary of Writing Efforts so Far:
Potentials out there: 11
Successes: 4
Retained for possible publication: 1
Rejections: 11

Writing is very much a "ball rolling" kind of endeavor. Let's just say I've got balls rolling in more directions than one. Feels good. Trying not to beat myself up about the 3+ years I took off while hubby went to law school. I know I thought I'd maintain and do it all, but I didn't. I just went to work for the paycheck. I lost the little bit of momentum I had built up and I'm not going to waste time wondering how it would have worked out if I approached it differently. And I guess that's the biggest lesson. I am approaching it differently now.

Without really intending to, I put aside much of the short fiction this month (except for recycling the rejects) and started working on a previous novel attempt again. I've found myself oddly inspired by this piece. My Turn: Reaching My Goal of Having No Life Plan. I've been musing greatly on goals and plans, long-term and short-term focuses, the journey, the path you take, embracing today, having some sort of compass in your life, balance... whatever.

In the last month I've written about health insurance, dental implants, unschooling, having a vegetarian kid, bike helmets, life after life as we know it, and grocery lists. Then there's fiction, of course. Whatever it is, it certainly seems colorful from here.

Writerly Stats

For the sake of consistency, I'm going to go ahead and post my numbers although the nature of my number-keeping is changing a bit. I'm only going to track fiction (and possibly essay-type stuff if I am so inspired) from here on out.

2007 Summary of Writing Efforts so Far:
Potentials out there: 3
Successes: 3*
Successes (I'm counting retained for possible publishing): 1
Rejections: 9**

* This includes my fiction piece to be published this fall in Kansas City Voices and a 2nd place memoir in the District 2 Kansas Authors Club contest.

** If you're keeping a tally (which you aren't, but I am)... I received 5 rejections in April. Granted, I also signed a contract for my first published piece of fiction AND I got an award for a memoir... but five... I got to admit that it stings a little. It is also a fact that I knew this month was coming... I put a lot of stuff out there in December/January and was expecting a slew of replies. They came, as promised.

The good part is that this should help to focus my monkey mind for a bit. I tend to come down from times of great inspiration (here an idea, there an idea, everywhere an idea, an idea!) to a place where follow-through and completion become more attainable. I'll begin picking through my returns, rewriting and deciding where to go with them next.

I started re-reading my copy of The Writer's Book of Hope this week. I suppose that means I was needing some help feeling... hopeful. I highly recommend it if you have writerly dreams.

Monthly Writing Stats

My numbers haven't changed too much this month, but I've gained some focus (no kidding, I really have!) and I'm feeling good about the direction things are headed.

2007 Summary of Writing Efforts so Far:
Potentials out there: 8
Successes (published): 1
Successes (I'm counting retained for possible publishing): 2
Rejections: 4

What I know from doing this before is that it really is a numbers game. The more you put stuff out there, the more likely something is going to catch on. Of course, when I was really working at it before I was focusing entirely on non-fiction and this time I'm focusing almost entirely on fiction. I think fiction is going to be a lot harder, but I'm hopeful. I kind of feel like a girl scout earning my badges... an essay here, an article there... a short story... maybe down the road. Maybe not too far down the road, even.

Fat Pants

Okay, talking seriously for a moment… I’ve been throwing in a lot of comments on the blog lately about “fat pants” and this bothers me. I’m not the kind of person who moans and groans about weight. Really, I’m not. I’m usually pretty happy with my body and generally confident and comfortable with the way it is designed. I’ll admit, I got a bit wrapped up in monitoring my weight post children… and maybe even some before. But last year I threw out the scales completely (well, they are still there, technically, I just don’t use them) and I’ve been very content just taking the “am I happy and am I comfortable” approach.

And now I find myself complaining about my pants not fitting… which must mean I’ve gained a few, right?

So I thought for a change that I’d try a little honesty about how I’m feeling about my body right now since I’m not feeling real positive about my attempts to mask it with humor. I am NOT happy as far as my body goes at the moment and I am NOT comfortable… and it has nothing to do with how much I am eating and only something to do with how little I am exercising in a very round-about way.

I’m tired of feeling broken.

It’s been eight months since I fell down the stairs and I won’t even share the amount of $$$ I’ve spent on the chiropractor and on that stupid sonogram on my leg just to ease my mind that nothing horrible was actually going on in there, just still healing from the bruise.

I’m pissed about all the money I’ve spent and I’m pissed that I can’t just leap from my bed in the morning and go for a run. I’m pissed that I can’t play hopscotch with my kids because the very act of hopping three times sends spasms across my lower back and by evening my legs are tingly and numb.

Perhaps I’ve never been a good athlete, but I’ve always been a very active person. I’m accustomed to being able to try anything and even if I’m not half- good, I’m at least half-doing it! I’m so tired of not being able to just do whatever looks appealing. I’m tired of not being able to push my body to try things that look like fun and I’m tired of being afraid that every little thing is going to hurt me and set me back.

And I’m annoyed that I have let this whole thing put such a cloud over my life. I’m annoyed that I keep falling into these pits where I have to work so hard to look for the bright spots and that each day seems like a new struggle to get out of bed.

Two years ago I was feeling strong and thinking I was in possibly the best cardio-vascular shape of my life. I was planning biking trips and hiking trips and so completely excited about being possibly as strong as I had ever been in my life. Last week I tried to show the kids a trick with the jump rope and spent the rest of the day thinking, “So this is what it must feel like to be 80.”

So I actually had to pull out my journal, the private one where I tell myself the things that I would never share except MAYBE with my very closest friends. I have to read to remind myself that I am better. Look, I have to say to myself, today you are talking walks all the way across town. In early July you could barely walk from the kitchen to the bedroom. See? You’re getting better! Yet, sitting in hard chairs is still difficult, especially if I do it for any length of time, but last July I couldn’t sit! Period!

I hate being such a whiner.

I started the year with such high hopes. I was ready to put myself back into action. Each week I’d make a plan for getting fit, and each week I’d manage a couple of days before realizing I had overdone it. I’ve had quite the love affair with those back ache patches this year. I think I’m figuring it out now. Baby steps. Got to build up some core strength before tackling any mountains. I can walk. There’s nothing wrong with walking. In fact, it’s always been my preferred activity… except when I’m feeling like it’s my only option. I may not be as yoga-rific as I was a year ago, but I’ve still got it and I can still do it.

My journal reminds me that I am not that crippled woman who was struggling to get in and out of bed eight months ago. I know there are people who are far worse off – for whom broken means they are literally without the use of a limb or worse, a mind!

I am hereby officially revising my resolutions. No more talk about fat pants. I’ve got to accept the fact that I am in recovery mode and start being thankful that I really have nothing serious to whine about. As with everything else in life, it’s better to look at what can be done than focus on what can not.

I’m officially done whining. Thanks for listening.

Resolutions Update: February in Review

February was a lot tougher, as far as getting stuff out there, than January. None-the-less, it was a good and productive month. Saw my first published piece of the year in the Emporia Gazette. Got a note from Mothering Magazine (kind of my personal holy grail) that an essay (and photos!) I submitted is being retained for possible publication. And when I wasn’t busy brainstorming writing projects, I was keeping fairly busy with my small handful of website and copyedit clients. Or perhaps I should say that the other way around.

But the writing projects, as scattered in content and style as they may be, are what I’m going to remain focused on here.

2007 Summary of Writing Efforts so Far:
Potentials out there: 5
Successes (published): 1
Successes (retained for possible publishing): 1
Rejections: 3

How that compares to January.

Oh, and the whole fat pants issue... I'm not gonna talk about it.

Resolutions Update

In case you don't remember, the short version is, via week by week goal setting:

weigh a little less by year’s end… and have written a little more

Status:
Weight... good news is that the pants still fit... bad news is that the pants still fit... I'm still quite enamored with the "no scales" approach to fitness, but I've also been a bit more dedicated to my old yoga routines AND I've been walking... though I'll be much more enthused about that, I'm sure, when the temps rise a little.

Writing... good news is that I AM WRITING every day and in every way! There is no bad news as far as I can figure.

2007 Potentials still out there: 4
2007 Rejections Received: 2
2007 Potentials in Progress: Countless!

All of my submissions, so far, have been in the form of essays and short stories. No need to pat me on the back, I can reach both shoulders just fine. (Must be another good side effect of that yoga.)

2007 Resolutions

Of course, I can’t let myself get away with two “low standards” years in a row. I’ve put a lot of thought into my goals for 2007. Resolutions are to be taken seriously and part of the process, it seems to me, is figuring out how you are going to maintain your focus on the goal throughout the entire year.

My general goal this year is to do something about IT (as opposed to not worrying about IT like I did last year). In general, I’d like to weigh a little less by year’s end… and have written a little more. Beyond that, I’m not committing to a year-end goal.

Instead, I’m committing to making goals. I’m willing to take it week by week. I’m happy to let the wind blow in new and different directions. But progress, of some sort, will be made…

That’s my resolution and I’m sticking to it.