Meet the Author: Nancy Pickard

Or 24 Hours: Part II (Scroll on down for Part I)

Because one of my main interests is writing, therefore reading, therefore peeking inside the minds of published authors whenever I get the chance… I sometimes find myself drawn to the opportunity to listen to an author speak even when I have not yet read any of his or her work. Nancy Pickard is a Mystery writer and a Kansas author. She was speaking at a meeting of the Kansas Authors Club in Lawrence on Saturday.

So, bonus! My 24 hours alone included an author talk, and Nancy Pickard has gained a new fan. I came home from the library this afternoon with three of her books to chew on.

As often happens when I find myself in this kind of contemplative place, I manage to come across a message that (in my little mind) is intended just for me. Nancy Pickard talked about the life of a writer – her writing life, specifically. One of the themes of her talk was change. And what she was talking to me about was how I, at this point in my life, have been struggling to hold on to an old life that isn’t possible anymore. Rather than embracing it and falling headlong into whatever is next in my life… I’ve been resisting change.

Nancy talked about how we are continually getting to these places in our lives where we may feel stuck, where something needs to change. She talked about our choices when we hit those spots. We can fall back into our old life—hang on to it and resist the change—perhaps risking that this opportunity will pass, or we can chose to step forward and change. It made me think of our move to Topeka (nearly five years ago! – wow!!). It was a huge change, not just for me, but for our family. It was scary. I knew we were giving up a fair amount of security. My husband was teaching school and, while it wasn’t his dream job, it was a very secure job. It allowed us to live a single-income life. It allowed me to write, but more importantly, to raise our three kids. It would have been very easy to convince ourselves that we needed to stay there and live that life. Easy for me, anyway.

But change was necessary. And at some point I realized it was a step we had to take. To give up that security so that hubby could return to school. And while it felt, in many ways, that we were turning our lives upside down, it quickly became apparent that we were gaining so much good from the process. I stepped forward. I went to work. We balanced the crazy schedule of my work and his school so that together we could still give our kids the life we wanted for them. It was a brief moment in time, I suppose, when you consider our entire lives. But the change that was hard and scary in the beginning ended up being so wonderful. It was a good thing on so many levels I can barely begin to describe them all.

Last year, the opportunity to change came again. Hubby was done with school. Another move was in order. What I began to hear/understand, as I listened to Nancy talk, was that I hadn’t stepped forward this round. I’ve been resisting. I’ve been riding high on how positive the last change was and living with the hope that this one would happen as easily. As a result, I’ve suffered. I haven’t allowed the change to happen. I haven’t stepped forward to make whatever’s next happen. Instead, I’ve been struggling to hold on to that old life.

It was apparent to me, as I listened, that there have been little glimmers of this understanding all along. How many times in the past year and a half have I said, “This is what I need to do,” and then gone on struggling against it. How many times have I agonized over what I need to do vs. what I want to do. How many times have I seen a path that I could take, and then stopped myself, thinking that perhaps by sitting tight, life will somehow come back round to what it used to be.

Life doesn’t work that way. It’s about change. It’s about falling forward to that next opportunity. We don’t know what’s ahead until we accept or embrace… or even make things change.

Nancy says, “Saying the thing you are too afraid to say; writing the thing you are too afraid to write; climbing the mountain you are too afraid to climb; this is what allows us to be bolder writers.”

Writing and life, for me at least, are so wrapped together that it’s easy to apply the lessons from one to the other. I'm saying it. I'm writing it. I'm climbing it.

Five years ago I left my childhood home for the second time in my life. The first time I told everyone I was gone for good. Things changed and I ended up starting my family there. The second time I told everyone I would return. Things changed and I’ve yet to go back. Stepping forward doesn’t always lead us where we think we will go, but resisting the change doesn’t make it possible to stay the same. I think I’m done with this resistant shuffling of the feet. I’m taking big steps again. I’m falling forward.

And I’ve got Nancy Pickard books to read. It’s a change for me – reading mysteries – but I’m embracing it.