24 Hours

I’m home from 24 hours of on-my-own time. Not that I was entirely alone the whole time, but I spent a lot of time alone in the car, I got to visit (a tiny bit) with some friends that I don’t spend nearly enough time with, and I simply spent some time that was truly out of the ordinary … for me. It was nice. I’m a little tired; more than a little wired. And I wrote so many blog entries in my head (where all the best writing takes place, of course ;-) that I figure I could coast for a month or more… if I could just get all those thoughts captured on paper before they escape.

Without my family… I think that’s the part I really want to write about. It’s such a rare place to be these days… truly distanced in a physical sense from my kids and my husband for an extended period of time. And I know, 24 hours is really so very little. But enough to catch glimpses of yourself in a different light, to indulge in memories of yourself from a different time.

Let’s start with Friday. A writing assignment landed me in Kansas City for a grand opening event. I’ll share more about the event itself when I have the article completed. I should be able to give you a link, eventually, to the article itself.

I had an hour and a half, more or less, in the car, on my own. I was wearing dressy black slacks, a kind of pseudo suit, which is a really different look for me. Honestly, about 80% of my work is done while I’m still wearing my jammies. There are days when I don’t even manage to run a comb through my hair before noon. And even when I dress, I’m in blue jeans and t-shirts more often than not. I rarely put anything on my feet other than white sports socks and tennis shoes.

So as I’m driving, I’m reviewing all this material in my head (stuff I’ve researched for the article) and I’m repeating people’s names and titles so that I’ll have them all ready on the tip of my tongue. I’m a little nervous, of course. But mostly just little jitters. And I’m having these kind of images -- like flashbacks -- of past moments like this, where I’ve kind of had the opportunity to step outside of myself and be someone who is me, but isn’t a me that would necessarily be recognized on a day-to-day basis.

And then I arrive -- no kids at my elbows, no pink backpack full of Band-Aids and card games and crayons and notebooks full of kid doodles or grocery lists. On this night I am a professional. I’m on the guest list and I am greeted with extra courtesy as a "member of the press." I mingle with total strangers and when I ask questions, they are not only flattered, they give me their full attention.

This is so different than being a mom. Not different in that it is better or worse. Most days, in fact, I would tell you that I wouldn’t trade this mom business for anything. I like working in my jammies. I prefer my family centered life. And if you asked me to dress up like that daily and leave the house from 9 to 5, I’d throw a fairly sizable hissy fit. It wouldn’t be pretty. It would easily rival my worst childhood tantrum.

At the same time, I really enjoyed this experience, and I look at my life and see that I can split it up into times when I’ve embraced these different faces I am able to wear and times when I’ve let fear of them be an obstacle. Which brings me to the second part of my 24 hours alone…

Which I’m going to have to write about tomorrow… as it fits with my Sunday Book Review feature, and I’m just plain exhausted. Time to put my jammie face back on.