Today I needed a little bit of help from one of the websites I utilize. I had already spent about a half hour browsing the FAQ section and couldn't find the answer to my problem. I finally moved on to the "contact us" page. I had the option of asking a question via email or asking a question via phone. I started with the email, of course. I really wasn't in a hurry and I'm typically pretty good at expressing my needs in written form.
So the "email" form instructs me to state my problem in one sentence. I tried. However, the form was somehow programmed to inform me that the answer to my question was already on the website FAQ. It even gave me a nice little link. So I looked at the link and re-read information that I had already determined did not answer my question.
I reworded my sentence. Same result.
I rewrote my problem yet another way. Again, I was informed that the answer to my question was already on the website.
At this point, I was frustrated enough to try to call the toll-free number. (Go ahead and laugh.) As I'm dialing the number, I say to my husband, "What do you think my chances are of actually speaking to a person?"
Nill, it seems.
The very friendly voice (that honestly didn't sound at all like a computer) on the other end of the line proceeded to walk me through my options. After numerous questions establishing my identity, the friendly voice said, "Please state your problem. The appropriate responses are..." and then proceeded to list the problems I might have.
Of course, none of the "appropriate" responses were exactly the question I had in mind, but I spoke outloud the one that seemed to be somewhere near the right category. At that point, I had to sit through a short explanation of how the answer to my question could be found online. The voice sweetly explained how I might log on and find this information myself.
I made my way through the "appropriate" response loop twice before the friendly voice decided she had adequately solved my problem. As she was thanking me for my call, I started shouting, "Wait! Let me speak to a real live human please!" because this psuedo-human, while completely pleasant to deal with, had not gotten me anywhere near a solution to my problem.
To my surprise, she said, "Please wait while I connect you to a customer service representative."
Finally. I was listening to the sweet sounds of "on hold" music with commercial interuptions reminding me frequently that the answer to my problems could probably be found at the website. In time, the music stopped and I braced myself to hear the sounds of a real live human on the other end.
Clickety click. I heard the sounds of... something on the other end.
"Hello?" I said hopefully.
Clackety clack. The line chirped and grew silent.
"Is anybody out there?" I pleaded.
Finally, I was greeted with a dial tone. So much for speaking to a real live human.
I still don't know the answer to my question. I don't much care at this point. What I do know, is that if I ever find myself in the position of running a business... anything that remotely involves customer service, at least, there will be a real live human sitting at the end of that phone answering every call.
As a bonus, later in the day I was informed by an entirely different website that my maiden name was unacceptable as a form of identification. Apparently the word "million" is too frequently used in online scams and who knows what else. If I want to use it, apparently, I have to contact the the powers that be and explain my reasons for wanting to use my very own name.
Now, if you have made it all the way to the end of this post, the appropriate responses available are...
1) click the "responses" button below and
a) say "hey, I was here"
b) shower me with praise
c) forget the praise, but offer to send me money ;-)
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