Just thinking about the Internet, and friends...

I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of friendship, specifically the nature of friendships that I’ve formed online. I’ve always been a person to hang on to those I’ve met along the way. I collect and save acquaintances the way other people might collect postage stamps or coins – the wider the variety, the better. And even though we might not interact daily, or go for months without touching base, I am always thrilled when that contact occurs, when one of them takes a moment to catch me up on the last year of their lives, the activities of kids, the new jobs and the directions their lives have taken them since our paths last crossed.

When I first started “meeting” people online, eleven or twelve years ago, I remember feeling rather awkward about having friendly feelings toward people I had never actually seen. I’d find myself bringing these “friends” up in conversation and then backpedaling, trying to come up with a more accurate description for a relationship that existed strictly in cyberspace.

Now the Internet is so directly tied into my relationships with people that I hardly think twice about those I’ve met in real life and those I’ve only communicated with through email and shared blog entries. The Internet, for instance, allows me near-daily contact with my very closest friends – those whom I consider surrogate family. They are the shoulders I know are always there to cry on. They are the people who know me so well that they can forecast the time of year my moods tend to swing low and how to best talk me back up again.

At the same time, the Internet has become a place to forge new friendships. When we moved from western Kansas to eastern Kansas three years ago, I got online to look for homeschool support groups, to start my job search, and to get to know the town. It made the move a bit easier. I was able to ease into friendships that began online, and some of those people have become such important members of my community that I can hardly remember a time when we did not know each other. Our friendships continue to thrive on multiple levels – they are the moms I hang out with while our kids play in the parks, and they are the minds I go to when I need advice or parenting support or just another way of looking at a subject that interests me.

But that familiarity gained through cyberspace has also left me feeling flustered at times. I am at ease at a keyboard. I am fluent, capable of expressing my thoughts (usually), and quite often free, chatty, and even outgoing. I remember the very first time I met someone in real life that I had first met online. It was about five years ago. I’d been reading Todd’s journal for ages and he’d been reading mine. We exchanged emails and friendly conversation. I was going to be in his area while on vacation and I was excited to make arrangements to meet him and his family in real life… and then I grew quite anxious, I think perhaps worrying that in real life I would be a disappointment. I tend to take too long to find my words when I am speaking. Thoughts that fly from my fingertips are more likely to clog in the back of my throat. My tongue gets thick and I become hyper-conscious of my speech patterns.

I’ve continued to stay current with Todd and his family through their online projects and an occasional email. We’ve never discussed our brief meeting of five years ago, but I’ve often found myself reflecting on it and wishing I had been a bit bolder, more aggressive in making conversation in real time and taking advantage of that time to get to know he and his wife even better.

I now know, however, that this phenomenon of online friendships, people you get to know by their thoughts in print first, is often awkward to take offline. As blogs grow as a medium and past-time, I more and more have the occasion to get to know people before actually meeting them in person. Or I find that I’ve met a person in passing, and by reading a blog or exchanging emails through a discussion list, I come to think of that person as someone I know and care about, even though I’m not entirely sure I would recognize their face in a crowd.

It’s a funny place to be, sitting with someone you’ve never actually spoken to, making small talk, asking and answering questions, when you suddenly realize that you aren’t entirely strangers. The face might not be familiar, but the thoughts are from someone you know.

I like the way the Internet makes the world feel a little bit smaller. I like the way it opens my eyes to people and places and ideas. I like the way it sometimes paves the way for new friendships and acquaintances, both those that remain entirely online and those that can walk down the street with me and have a cup of coffee. I especially like the way it strengthens the ties to those friends I’ve had forever.