The Truth About Boys & Girls

Yesterday at the pool there was a small group of 12-year-old boys and a small group of 14-year old girls. The boys, to my eyes, could have been nine. The girls, of course, could have been nineteen. It's almost cruel what nature does between the sexes through this time.

Anyway, the boys were doing their best to flirt. They were awkward, of course, and the girls responded much the way I imagined they would respond to annoying younger brothers. None-the-less, the two groups were fairly friendly and I enjoyed watching them... for a while.

As the boys got bolder, the nature of their "flirting" changed. They girls had left the pool to sunbathe and I imagine the boys really wished they would return to the water where the girls were being at least somewhat interactive.

And some point, the talk turned a little bit raunchy. The boys were uncomfortable with it at first, but you could see how they egged each other on and one-upmanship soon got the best of them. The girls, to their credit, barely responded. They were in sunbathing mode and were obviously feeling too mature to give these guys any credit.

I was annoyed. This was my enjoyable afternoon at the pool with my kids and here I found myself debating my "adult" mode. I had three young kids there. I really didn't want them hearing some of the phrases that I knew they were picking up on by this time. I bit my tongue and started going through all the things I could say in my head. If I was going to speak up, I wanted it to be effective. I wanted to say something about respecting others and being respected. I wanted to say something that would stick in their maturing little heads and make them think twice before acting that way again.

I obviously expect way too much from myself.

By the time I was coming up with anything even remotely suitable, the boys were leaving the pool to go home. I was relieved. I probably would have stuttered and their jeering would have been directed at me, anyway.

But my four-year-old, who was settled on the lounger beside me as they boys were leaving said, "Mom, I don't think those boys were being very nice to those girls."

I agreed that his observation was correct...and then I probably went overboard, emphasizing what a horrible way that was to treat girls and telling him that I always expected he and his sisters to be much more respectful to others.

"Don't worry, Mom," he said. "I'll always be nice to girls."

I believe that he will. Yet, when I think of the discomfort those boys showed at the beginning, and I know it's not that they were bad kids. Sometimes you just get carried away by the group. Sometimes you do things that you don't feel good about later. I hope that each of those boys feels at least a little bit ashamed when they think back on their behavior at the pool.

I know I do. I should have spoken up. I should have brought their behavior to their attention and let them know exactly how unacceptable it was. Even lacking the ability to do it with eloquence and flair, I should have said something, but I didn't.