by Douglas Brown
If Douglas Brown can write about his sex life so freely, I guess I can write about reading his book. When hubby put this one on the library list a while back, I didn’t exactly roll my eyes. Well, maybe just a little bit. But since I am the one who gets the mail and the book fell into my hands first, I went ahead and opened it thinking I’d get a little preview of what he would be reading.
In short, I was hooked from page one and Hubby had to wait until I was finished to read the book.
This isn’t erotica, not even close. It’s a story I think married couples everywhere can relate to. The busy lives, constant working, child rearing… life can be exhausting. And exhaustion gets in the way of the couple. We can push ourselves to continue getting the bills paid and to care for our kids, but when it comes to taking care of each other, we too often let the rest of it get in the way.
Hubby and I have long had this routine of checking in on the 3 entities of our relationship. How are you? How am I? How are we? Doug and his wife Annie took this a few steps further. Beyond assessing how the “we” was doing, they decided to make the “we” great again and they decided on more than just a date or a night out together. There are a hundred little ways that couples plan to re-connect and refresh the “we” in a relationship, but Doug and Annie committed to 100 days, no days off, of sex.
Extreme? The more I read the book, the less I thought so.
This book is a memoir about a relationship – a happily married couple (11 years) who decides that ho-hum-okay is just not good enough. It wasn’t that they were in a troubled marriage. They seem to have a good relationship… one that you would expect would still be solid another 10 or 15 years from now. But like many couples, I believe, they were missing that zest, that sparkle that tends to fade in a long-term relationship.
What did they gain, aside from lots and lots of sex?
Communication, for starters, and not just how-do-you-like-it type communication. Committing to intimacy for 100 consecutive days means committing to getting to that place, that frame of mind, where sex becomes possible. And getting to that frame of mind is where the work comes in. It’s easy to bury yourself in a book, wallow in front of the television or turn your mind off to surfing the internet while waiting for sleep to overtake you each evening. To choose to give time to your relationship each day, however, no matter how tired or stressed you may be, is to give priority to the couple again.
I found that I was touched by many aspects of this book. Douglas Brown’s obvious love and admiration of his wife was wonderful to witness. There is a lesson to be learned in approaching life as such an adventure, rather than the grueling chore it seems to become for so many couples.
One aspect of the story that probably surprised me most was the relationship between Doug and Annie and their families. To embark on such a venture AND to tell your folks about it! Wow! To say more would be to write volumes and volumes.
I'm certainly not suggesting that a sex marathon is the answer, but I do think this book is good fodder for thoughts about the time and effort invested in couplehood. It’s a great read. Funny. Well written. Many laugh out loud parts. Every couple should read it, especially if you are ringing in an anniversary in the double digits.