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Sunday, May 07, 2006

Blog about Cheating

Honestly, I’m just too darned uptight to cheat at anything. I mean, there was this time I accidentally entered 100 minutes into the fitness meter at the gym because I was exhausted and thinking one hour equaled one hundred or… who knows what I was thinking. But rather than just shrug and get on with my life, I went back to the track for forty minutes more just because I couldn’t stand the idea of cheating…

I’m the dweeb who refuses to round on my income taxes even though they tell you to round because – I’m telling you – it feels like cheating. It can make you a whole dollar off in the end. I swear, it’s true.

I won’t look at the back of the puzzle book for answers and I refuse to read the last pages of a novel first... that would be cheating. I could never live with myself. For similar reasons – digging deep in the psyche now – I’ve never managed to color my hair anything that anyone would notice as different from my very dark, very black natural color.

I do cartwheels – or at least click my heels like I’m tap dancing – every time my checkbook balances to the penny. Which is… every time. Because if it doesn’t, I sit there and look at it until I figure out exactly where I went wrong. Anything less? You guessed it – cheating.

It’s a disease. I am afflicted.

There was this one time, however. Just once… and I swear I would have never done it if I hadn’t assumed I would be caught. Seriously. One time. Only one time.

I cheated at playing cards.

The game was UNO, no less.

The guilt lives with me to this very day… (Okay, maybe not so much a lot, but a little, I swear.)

Let’s see if I can get the story right…

It was an innocent little card game. Me. The Hubby. The brother-in-law. The sister-in-law. And perhaps a little alcohol was involved. Perhaps.

Anyway, it popped into my head – oh gee, who me? – that I could cheat. Deny rather than affirm. (Or was it affirm rather than deny?) Either way, by golly, dear hubby believed me.

It was sad really. The guilt seed inside me bloomed immediately. Okay, it was possibly watered and encouraged a little by the fact that the brother-in-law… He, umm – caught my little indiscretion. That is, he gave me the look. You know, the one-raised-eyebrow, I-know-what-you-just-did, I-didn’t-think-you-had-it-in-you look.

And I was terribly, regrettably, undeniably, very, very sorry I’d ever thought to cheat at UNO. At some point I confessed… I think after actually winning that round. I was so traumatized by the whole event that the details remain fuzzy even though the guilt continues to stand strong.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go sort and shine my scruples. That’s all I know about cheating… and I never, ever tell a lie.

This is my B4B entry.

1 comment:

Derek the Great said...

Wow--I had forgotten that you had EVER cheated at anything. Probably it was a subconscious desire to be caught that made you try it right in front of the Raised Eyebrow of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The Brow knows all.